I think I may have a problem. My feet sweat. A lot.

They sweat when I'm barefoot. They sweat in tennis shoes. They sweat in sandals.

My feet sweat even when they're cold.   And I don't understand. 

I don't understand it. It's not logical to me.

In my brain, cold should equal dry. 

I'm not sure how cold feet and sweaty feet can exist at the same time in the same place.

There are some other things that don't make sense to me right now, either.

God has promised me something. It's kind of a big thing.

And, logically, I can't make it make sense. I can't figure out a way that it will ever happen.

And in the midst of trying to figure it out I have this fear and this hope that are constantly battling to have control of my heart.

Fear and hope. They don't go together. They shouldn't be happening at the same time. But they are. 

I have this great big hope in my heart that the thing that the Lord has said will someday be my reality.

At the same time, I have this fear that comes and goes and works hard to convince me it's not worth hoping for the thing that may not happen. 

Fear is working to convince me that the hoping can't out-weigh the hurt that could take it's place.

The hurt could happen.

But, the Lord has made me a promise. 

The answer to his promise is always yes.

Even if it doesn't look like what I thought, it's still yes.

The fear is still there. 

And this is what I know about fear.  

The best way to get past it is to do the thing that I am most afraid of.

Right now, I am most definitely afraid to hope. So, hope is the only option.

Today I am hoping. I'm hoping and believing and trusting.

Back in the day, on the World Race I went to Ireland.

At the airport in Dublin I ate a McDonald's Happy Meal and it may have changed my life.

In that little box I found the most amazing toy I could ever have hoped for. 

 

As soon as I put that ribbon together I started dancing around with it like I'd been ribbon dancing all my life.

It made me laugh out loud.

It literally caused something that was tied up inside me to be let loose.

I felt invincible. And I didn't care one bit what everyone in that airport thought of me.

I continued with the ribbon dancing for the rest of our week in Ireland. 

I even showed off my skills in the squad dance off.

I was so very free.

When we left Ireland I put the ribbon in my pack and kind of forgot about it.

Without the ribbon in my hand I lost a bit of the freedom I had found.

Until a couple of weeks ago I had pretty much forgotten about the ribbon all together.

And until a couple of weeks ago I had pretty much forgotten what that kind of freedom felt like.

My smile wasn't coming as easily.

My heart was heavy and unsettled.

I was worried about things I couldn't control.

It was like I had packed away the freedom I had and completely forgotten it existed. 

I was letting the thought of what you might think of me keep me from actually giving you anything to think about.

And then a couple of weeks ago I was reminded of that little ribbon covered in flames.

And I remembered that not only do I want to be that woman, I still am. 

I am free from what you think of me. I am free from what I think of me.

I am simply me.

The loved one.

 

A couple of weeks ago I went to DC with my friend, Katie.

We spent most of our time relaxing and enjoying the company of the lovely folks we were staying with.

We also got to go into the city and see the sites. We walked over 5 miles one day as we went from museum, to cemetery, to museum, to statue, to statue, to statue. I loved every minute of it. Well, that might not be true - the last minutes of our walk back to the car were not my favorite.
 

As we were walking around on our second visit and we came around a corner we saw a manhole cover with steam coming out of it.   And Katie gets really excited. Apparently, she had made a secret bucket list for our trip and this was on the list. 
She had made a list of things she really wanted to see while we were there. But, she kept it a secret.
 

In my head I'm thinking --how in the world do you ever expect any of these things to happen if you don't share them with people?? -- you've got all those secret thoughts, secret dreams and you're ok with keeping it to yourself.  Then what if they don't happen?  Is it easier if no one else knows your dreams? Does it make it any less of a heart break if you're the only one that knows? I'm almost sure that's not true.

 

But then we're walking down another sidewalk and there are those grates, you know the ones that bigger cities have. To be honest I have no idea what they're for. But, Katie kept walking around them. In her mind walking on one of these grates equals certain death. It's a secret fear she has, or I should say had because I just made it public. 
Keeping that fear secret makes in no less real. Keeping it a secret makes it no less scary. 
Does it make sense to be afraid of that?   Well, no. But it's real. 

Whether secret or public the dream is real. Whether secret or public the fear is real.

I guess they kind of have something in common. Keeping them a secret means no one will ever know when your dream doesn't come true and it means that you don't have to be embarrassed by your illogical fear. But, who is that helping? Sure, it may help you 'save face.' But is it helping you to live? Is it helping you to know the fullness of life you were meant to have? I believe the answer is no. 

So, here is my challenge. How much of my secret dreams do I share? Cause if I say it out loud then I'm held accountable. I will have to move from thoughts to action. I'm not sure I'm ready for that today.

And what about my secret fears? Do I want to share those with the world? Not really? But, I also don't want to always be afraid of things.

So, I've slowly started saying what I'm afraid of out loud to people I trust. And it's moving me to action -- actions to overcome those fears. I used to be afraid of those sidewalk grates too. And then I decided I didn't want to be afraid anymore. So, I walk on them and declare, mostly in my head, that I'm not afraid anymore. And it's working.

 

Slowly and steadily I'm sharing these secret fears and making plans to overcome. It's changing me. It's helping me believe the things the Lord says about me. I'm made for a more than extraordinary life. It's about time I figured out what 'life to the full' really looks like.

 

So watch out Karaoke - here I come. 

I have discovered that there are these people in my life who I really have no idea the affect they have on me, on what happens around me, and on what I'm learning.

They are people who have shared so much of themselves, given so many long days, sleepless nights and repeated conversations. They give and give and give. They're speaking the things that they know to be true desperate for you to know them too. They have learned this thing that has changed them, helped them live an even fuller life. And the cry of their heart is to share that with you. So that you can live that extraordinary full life yourself.

Sometimes, I am aware of this happening in the moment. I am aware of the sacrifice that is happening for these people to give what they've got away. But, to be honest, most of the time I have no idea the true cost. What is it actually COSTING them to be here, to lay their own heart bare, to expose themselves to my world? I know that it is costing something.  Probably a lot. And I'm pretty sure they have counted the cost and they say it is worth it. They say that no matter the cost they will spend their life to make sure that I get to go further. They give it all to make sure that I can see more Kingdom come and more Will be done than they ever will.

Today I was reminded that those people won't always be there. 

Today I was also reminded that what they've given has changed me forever.

They spend their lives giving it away to those who are smart enough to listen. I am changed forever because of things that others have taught me. I am changed forever because they chose to share what the Lord was doing in them and what the Lord was saying to them.

I am one of many who have been changed. And I am so, so thankful.

The pouring out is not over. These people will continue to pour out and I can honor their sacrifice by doing the same. I can share what the Lord is doing in me and what the Lord is saying to me and it will change things, just like what they've shared has changed me.

So, I say thank you.

 

Dollar Generals and Dairy Queens, that is. 

Yesterday I made the drive from my parents' home in Fairfield, Illinois down to Gainesville, Georgia, my new Home Sweet Home.

 

I ended up taking a whole lot of county highway roads, winding through the hills of northern Georgia. 

It's beautiful and windy and stocked full of Dollar General stores and Dairy Queens.

If you've driven I24 through Tennessee, then you've seen them. They are everywhere and they definitely do their job. I will be making a stop to see what all the fuss is about sometime in the near future.

But it's not the end. It's only the beginning.

I start working in the AIM office tomorrow and I'm pretty excited to get started.

I'd be lying if I didn't say that I'm a little nervous, too.

This is what I do know...

I KNOW this is the RIGHT time.

I KNOW this is the RIGHT place.

I KNOW the Lord will PROVIDE.

I KNOW that helping to get students on the mission field will CHANGE the world and CHANGE the students who will then keep on CHANGING the world.

I KNOW that I LOVE the Lord.

I KNOW that He LOVES ME.

If you are interested in partnering financially with me on my journey with Adventures in Missions, I would love to chat with you about what the Lord is doing here in Gainesville and all over the world through AIM missionaries.

You can send me a message by clicking ßContact ME. 

Or email me at amy_book@hotmail.com

Or give me a call 619-961-8059

Clicking ßSupport ME will take you directly to the online donation site.

Thanks much, I can't wait to hear from you!

Look for to more stories from the Land of Generals and Queens soon!

I'm moving to Georgia.   

And I'm not sure I could be any more excited about it.

Over the last year and a half I've been super blessed to be a part of this organization, Adventures in Missions.

The World Race was my first adventure with AIM.

Leading this trip taught me so much more and reinforced my belief that AIM is a group of people that I want to be a part of.

Now, I am going to work in the AIM office in Gainesville, Georgia.

I'll be working in the Admissions department with the Ambassador program - short term missions for Teens.

So far, I've been able to travel as a participant and as a leader.

I've seen the benefits of getting out of your comfort zone in my own life and in the lives of those I was leading.

In this next season I will be able to help hundreds of high school students make the decision to go and see for themselves.

I start my new job September 1.

That's $835 each month.

I'd love it if you would be willing to partner with me financially. 

Any donation of any amount is very much appreciated.

You can make a donation by clicking the -Support Me- tab on the left and following the instructions.

Or you can send a check to

Adventures In Missions
P.O. Box 534470
Atlanta, GA 30353-4470

Just make sure to include my full name -Amy Book-on the check.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for making this possible. I am positive that this is exactly where the Lord wants me to be. I'm looking forward to learning the lessons and supporting the students that are about to come my way.

Before I started this summer the Lord spoke very clearly to me.

   He said this would be one of the hardest things I have ever done.

He wasn't joking.

Never have I ever been this consistently sick.

Never have I ever been so physically and emotionally spent.

Never have I ever not known the answers so consistently.

There have been so many times this summer when

No idea.                                

None.

I would breathe this prayer.

Desperate for the Lord to speak.

Desperate to know what would bring Life and restore Peace.

And never have I ever been disappointed.

Never have I ever asked and the Lord not answered

Restore             Renew               Redeem.

 

 

Never have I ever needed the Lord to speak more and

Never have I ever seen the Lord be more faithful.

I ask and He answers.

So I prophesied as he commanded me,

and breath entered them;

they came to life and stood up on their feet

- a vast army.

Ezekiel 37:10

We eat them for snacks. 

We get them as treats for answering a question in Sunday School.

The team gives them to the kids who come to play soccer.

I've seen the same thing happen over and over again with these cookies.

Sometimes they even give half back to whoever gave it to them.

The people of Nicaragua have little. 

Often they don't have enough food to eat.

They don't always have clean clothes to put on,

Or a house with a roof that doesn't leak.

I see true, selfless generosity here every day.

Maybe I've had it wrong.

Just maybe my life has been where the real lack is.

Sometimes I still have trouble giving without letting the fear of lack talk me out of it.

I want to be a woman who gives generously and dangerously.